God was not the center of the family I grew up in. We believed in God, but the church wasn’t a priority. My earliest memories were of several stalled attempts at being a Catholic. I attended catechism for a while; you get extra points if you know what that is all about. Anyway, at some point, my grandmother and mom converted and became Baptist. So, I guess I did too.
It wasn’t until I was 16 that I began to attend church regularly, and it wasn’t regular at all. Unfortunately, Jesus wasn’t my main goal. You’d be right if you guessed I was there because of a girl. To be around her, I had to be in church. So, I was in church. Later on, I married that girl and have been married to her for 30 years…but that is a story for another time.
The Early Years
I married my wife when I was 24, and we had our first child three years later, and another followed three years after that. I was in church again on and off. Like many guys that age with a young family, I was out making a living and doing what I thought was the right thing. I was providing. It turns out I only had it partially correct.
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and was baptized at 27. I was in church and faithfully attended for a time, and then I moved into a new job. A job that paid better would put my family in a position we had never been in before…so I thought. I was again promoted from that job and asked to take over a terminal about 350 miles from where we lived. I took the job and moved to a motel in the new city. My wife would stay behind with the kids, wrap up the school year, and get our house ready to sell. I would go on ahead and start the new job.
Losing Focus
I had already gotten to a point where I wasn’t in church much at all and wasn’t interested in returning. Any excuse I could come up with not to go, I would take it. Oh, my favorite shirt isn’t ironed. Guess I’m skipping church. Where’s my other shoe? Well, scratch church for today. I was the master of cutting church. Honestly, I didn’t see the value in it.
As I said before, I had already lost my focus on what should have been truly important. Now, I thought I had it made. I didn’t need to make an excuse not to attend church. I was alone in the new city, and I threw myself into the job, and the church was on the side of the road in my dust. Yet, I still believed in God. I don’t want to make it sound like I turned my back on him because I didn’t. I was out trying to provide for my family, working hard, and I wasn’t about to “waste” a perfect Sunday sitting in church. God knew I believed in him, even though we never talked unless I needed something important…and that’s how I reasoned it to myself.
Turning Point
We’re forwarding the clock a few years, and a series of life events landed my family in a small town in east Texas. Out of some sense of responsibility or something, I tried to get back into church at that point, and it stuck for a short while, but eventually, I fell away again. It had nothing to do with the church and everything to do with me.
I spent the next 8 or 9 years miserable, depressed, and angry. I had been like this my whole life, except now someone had turned the volume knob up to 10, and I was getting busy alienating everyone around me. I’ll never know how my wife stuck with me, but she did.
Back to Faith
I have a 25-mile drive to work daily, five days a week. One morning, just a random Tuesday in September of 2019, on one of those drives, in just the amount of time it takes to cover that distance, something came over me, and I needed to get back into church like it couldn’t wait. Halfway to work, I turned the music off and quietly rode to my office. When I got to work, I texted my wife and told her I was returning to church; she had never stopped going. As expected, she didn’t question me; she just said okay, that sounds like a great idea even though I hadn’t mentioned church or going back for years.
Immediately I began to search for a church to attend. One of my must-have requirements is that it had to have a men’s ministry. I found two possibilities; one was the church I participated in several years ago. I did not know where to go that Wednesday night and walked into the lady’s Bible study. No big deal. They acted like I had been going there for 20 years.
One of the ladies got up, which I found out later was the pastor’s wife, led me to the men’s class. I was welcomed there as I had always been a member. I felt at home right away. The leader of the men’s group asked me for my phone number so he could keep in touch with me. I thought that was odd because that is something I would never have done at that point in my life. For all he knew, I could have been a serial killer! I’m not, but you never know.
Today
After that Wednesday night Bible study, I began attending services regularly. I couldn’t get enough. I hadn’t realized how empty and hollow I had thought without the love of Jesus Christ. The more of my life I gave to God, the lighter and freer I felt. The misery, depression, and anger had all but disappeared. I still have the old flashes of anger occasionally, but they pass quickly, and I don’t hold onto them for the rest of the day. The depression still comes around, but I don’t let it hang around long.
I know now that God has plans for me like I have never known. I’m trying to listen hard to what God has in store for me. I’m not good at subtleties, so God has to knock me in the head hard sometimes, but I’m getting there. Ultimately, I led my Sunday school class on an interim basis and then was asked to take it over. After everything I’ve gone through in my life, all the promotions and fancy titles I’ve had, I believe that Sunday school leader is the one I’m most proud of…outside of husband and dad.
So, why follow me? Why listen to what I have to say?
This page represents my journey into the rediscovery of faith. I am by no means a Bible scholar. However, I have a deep, abiding love for God, which is my way of showing that love. I want everyone to have the same joy in the love of Jesus Christ.